Sometimes I get emotional under a read more 

I met my first best friend in kindergarten and we were inseparable for the next 5 years.

She moved to a different continent and never even said goodbye.

I tried talking to her on facebook, but she never replied.

I didn’t have many other close friends at that time because, I didn’t need them. I had her and that was really all I needed.

Then in 5th grade I met Brandon.

He was this funny, stupid, wonderful kid. We hung out every weekend. We went rollerskating together, to the movies, to baseball games, everything. We were in the same class and he became my new best friend. I would go to his house on Saturday mornings and we would eat big bowls of cereal and then skateboard around his neighborhood. Anything we did together was fun. I was so entirely comfortable with him. I’ve never had a friend like that.

For an entire year he was my absolute favorite person. Then at the end of the summer before 6th grade, he moved back to New Jersey. We hung out a few times when he would come back to visit. I would talk to him on aim or email. We drifted and he stopped visiting. I still miss him.

At this point I told myself I would stop calling someone a best friend, because that always meant they would leave.

In 7th grade I became friends with this strange strange girl in my homeroom. She was incredible. I was completely comfortable with her. She was so absolutely her that it was impossible not to love her. Plus she was gorgeous. Everyone loved her. She was funny and smart and cool. Being friends with her was great because I knew I could trust her. We never even fought over anything, and she was just so like me.

Then of fucking course in 8th grade I never saw her.

In 8th grade there was a very quirky girl in my study hall. On the first day of school she took my agenda and wrote a story all over the pages. We started talking and she was so so strange. She was very random and all over the place, but really smart too. We shared classes together and she was a big part of the reason I passed some of them. We would help eachother study and do homework together. We talked all the time and passed notes constantly. I told her things I never told anyone. She didn’t talk to me much that summer. We talked a little bit at the beginning of this school year, but not anymore. I say I to her in the hallways sometimes. I miss her like crazy.

She told me she was probably moving or going to cyberschool or something. That fucking sucks. 

This year I started talking to friend #3 again as if there was no gap at all. She’s still this incredible person. We’re so similar and yet she’s so much better than me. I’m still so comfortable with her.

Shes moving at the end of the year this year and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I may joke about things a lot, but the one thing I absolutely hate the most is when the one person I can trust, leaves.

I know it was bound to happen, it always does. but it still sucks. Every single person I’ve put an ounce of trust into, leaves. Always. Every single person I care about, ends up not caring about me. 

Every time I think it will be different, it isn’t. I don’t know how many more times I can go through this. It’s why I am so extremely hesitant to make new friends.

Losing them sucks