Today was prettttyy good for once :)

because for ten years I was an honorary Jew and I would celebrate Passover and jewish holidays with my best friend. I would eat all sorts of jewish foods and participate in all of their traditions. It was awesome. I liked Passover more than I liked Easter. But then they moved to a different country and I have no one to celebrate Passover with anymore.

It sucks because I always get these cravings for my best friend’s mom’s matza ball soup. It was the best matza ball soup ever and now I can’t have any.

The cravings are so much worse around passover time too and it sucksssss

Then how come I feel like shit? I want to curl into a ball and listen to my “Life sucks but music doesn’t” playlist. I told myself I was going to be happy no matter what, but I just can’t do it anymore. I’m tired of not having a best friend. I’m tired of not having friends in general. I’m tired of having to try so hard to keep people around when they clearly dont want to.

I’m tired of having to tell myself that in 4 years I will be happy once I move to university. I don’t even believe that anymore. 

I shouldn’t have to try so hard to be happy. I shouldn’t have to. I’m just so tired of life and no one even cares.

I mean, I know I obviously dont know everything, but there are just some people(a very large amount of people) my age, younger and even older, who dont know common knowledge.

It makes me incredibly sad that people don’t know who Paul McCartney is. Or John, George or Ringo. It’s sad that a girl in my art class not only did not know who Bruce Springstein was, but also Elton John, the Beach Boys and Whitney Houston.

Music is important.

Just as important as English or History. In school we learn about the presidents, the wars, the formations of political parties. We learn about Shakespeare, Austen, Twain, Dickinson.

In the early years of school we learn basic information about Bach and Handle and Motzart. But that’s usually how far it goes. 

Music is important too.

We should be taught how music has affected the world. We should be taught about the evolution of different genres. The reactions of the general public to the risings of certain artists and how that differs from those of today. We should be taught how music has grown and changed into this extremely vast and wonderful thing. 

Not everyone likes history or english or science, but I highly doubt you can find someone who doesn’t like music.

Music affects everyone. It helps people. It changes people. 

You may argue that, as long as we have the freedom to enjoy it, why do we need to learn about it?

We learn about the evolution of man. We learn how they change and how they grow. We learn about the creation of things and how the world became such an industrialized place.

We dont learn about the industry of music. Music has been around as long as man has. If we learn about the human species, why dont we learn about something that has been here just as long?

Why stop teachings at classical music? Music didn’t end there. We need to be able to appreciate where the things we love came from.

Kids don’t have to like certain genres. Most popular music today is pop and hip hop. I’m not saying they should be forced to listen to things they dont want to.

I’m saying that every single artist today was inspired by other artists, who were inspired by other artists. Tons of artists were inspired by vocalists like Whitney Houston, or groups like The Beatles.

Artists like them changed things. We should be taught how the rise of rock and roll and pop and hiphop affected people. We should be taught how nearly all music stems from one idea that was started hundreds of years ago.

We appreciate George Washington and Abe Lincoln and Thomas Jefferson among others, because of the precedents they set. They did things never done before. They changed our nation and helped it grow.

We should be taught about musicians that changed things and the precedents they set. Musicians that made it okay for you to be able to listen to what you listen to today. Musicians who started movements. Musicians who created genres. Musicians who inspire thousands of people today. Even musicians who inspire one person today. 

Because music is important.

Kids should be able to look back and appreciate artists like The Beatles, Elvis, Elton John, Prince, Queen, Run DMC, Nirvana, ect. they don’t have to like them, but at least appreciate them for the things they’ve done.

I’m tired of hearing kids my age saying “Who is *insert older famous important artists*” and then people telling them they’re stupid for not knowing.

It’s not(entirely) their fault that they were never taught who Paul McCartney was. 

I’m tired of hearing kids insult older musicians. Musicians who were so influential that they inspired so many other people to make music. Every artist you listen to was inspired by someone. When you insult an artist because you don’t know who they are or what they sound like, you just sound dumb.

These “older artists” were critical in the creation of music today and it’s about damn time we start appreciating them for all that they’ve done for music.

I honestly am really really happy. I’m not doing horrible in school, I’ve managed not to lose every friend I have, and my parents and I are on good terms.
I may hate my hair, my ass, my icky chicken pox scars, and my thighs, but I’m pretty okay with how I am. I don’t care if this sounds conceited, I love my smile, my eyes, my collar bones and boobs. I love my almost there abs and the stupid faces I make when I talk or think. I have a great family and friends for the most part. I have awesome music taste. I have a good life and even though I may hate people, I’m okay. I may not like everything about me, like how I push people away and can be very cold and bitchy, but I’m working on it.

I’m working really hard to like who I am. After all, I am going to be stuck with me for the rest of my life.

I’m trying to be a better friend and daughter and person, but I have to be happy too. There are going to be a few bumps along the way, but I’m going to make this work. I’m going to be happy.

I took a mental health day yesterday and it was wonderful. The time to think really helped. It’s only up from here.

Today I was actually really happy. I’m not even sure why. But I feel good for once and I like it.

Aw guys I’m so pathetic. Yesterday on the bus ride home from school, I was listening to my iPod and was in a shitty mood as always and Welcome to My Life and Im Just A Kid came on right after eachother and I started crying. Not like all out sobs or whatever, but a couple of tears. It’s so lame, but those songs describe exactly how I’ve felt since I was 9 years old. Especially how I’ve been feeling lately.

I just really love Simple Plan. So many of their songs mean so much to me, and I am so grateful to them for being a band.

I told her how I can’t handle school and how much it’s stressing me out. I told her how I always put really high expectations on myself and I can’t live up to them. I told her how I’m so tired all of the time. 

She asked me if I was depressed and I had no idea how to answer her, because, no, I’ve never had a doctor tell me I was, but that doesn’t mean I’m not. I don’t know if I am. I just know I’m not happy a lot. 

Basically, I just cried a lot and didn’t end up asking her the things I wanted to ask her about my gpa. She told me things I already knew, like I can’t handle honors courses and I shouldn’t sleep as much as I do, and I should join a club or something.

My head hurt all day from crying and I still feel like shit, but I think I’m done caring about school. At least for a little while. I need to stop caring so much if I don’t do good.

I’m I’m tired of being upset and I’m tired of being tired.